I wish our dreams would,

I wish. I wish our dreams would. I wish our dreams could come true, yours, then theirs and then mine. We wouldn`t be alone, us who are alone and we wouldn`t be hungry, us who are hungry. We are not. We are not afraid. We are not afraid, because we are with God. We want and we are sometimes afraid we won`t want. We want...

Slowly, I hope I will be here everyday, I love.

Slowly, I hope, will I be here everyday? I have such thoughts. Its been a number of years and I am still unpacking reasons to belong. Its been raining hard and the wind is a songs thoughts here, my rooms eye looking out over the storms mightiest, lightning strike thrown rumble, to lifes groans. It looks into my face, waits for my yell and screams back at me, together we grumble, pain.

I fell asleep again.

Hmmmmm, I fell asleep, again, and at the keyboard. I am tired of backstroking a trail of letters only 600 lines deep. I have rested my hands in holding down the key of f, like so... ffffffffff, and of course, there have been times when I have held down letter after letter and filled many pages, some paragraphs made sense. What do I do when this happens? Like now, I got up from a well molded office chair and made a pot of coffee. This is the part I don`t understand, I fall back into sleep while holding my coffee and you guessed, I am now wearing it, in my lap, on my feet and I never let go of the cup. Just like I never let go of the keyboard, ever, when I fall asleep at/on it. I like that line, I fall back into sleep, exhausted, actually fallen back into sleep. Oh yes, for the first two or three times, I`d jump up! and try to land on my feet as I was falling off instead of falling back into, falling off to sleep, off what? Conscienseness, never seems to let go its grip on an awakening grasp, the sudden loss of that grasp, which should have anchored me is now an attempt to re-establish grace, in the moment. I`m not making sense but, the lost coffee was the way.

My mp3 player

I just purchased an mp3 player, a WaveX 128mgs and I like it of course with the radio and voice record, its a nice toy, my mom got it for my birthday in April. Its 4:30 am and I`m staring at the big view of the big city and listening to the birds waking up. There are times I will sit here and in the mornings betrayal of darkness, close my eyes and let the songs of the cold air keep me, asleep. Right now, there are sirens and screaming tires adding to that huge rooms colors. Seeing the, "out there" I call the biggest room in the world, with the highest ceilings and of course the most corners. The room of which most of it, I have never entered into, that is I am not sure if I should excuse the mess but, I am not cleaning anyone of them. Just an hour ago, I had my morphine so I won`t miss it because I was doing something good like sleeping, rocking. I am so tired right now, a feeling I like and if I only could I would wish to dream.